Fordham University New York. Oct 9th 2008 9:21 pm.

             

            Well after one hell of a night, today didn't come about as bad as i had thought it would. Last night dannybaby came to see me from home, and i have to tell you it was so nice having someone familiar to talk to, about familiar things we use to talk about. We spoke of our friends, and how some of them loved the schools they chose while others do not. We spoke of who we still keep in touch with and who we have lost touch with. We made small talk. We sometimes didn't even have to talk at all. Familiar silence. i liked it. We went out to the cottage again and got food with our all you can drink wine. We then ended up coming back to the dorms, smoking and out to this improv show at this place called the PIT on 29th between 7th ave and 6th ave, and then we came back to school, went to a party, smoked again and went to the diner. By that time my head was so heavy and i became so dizzy, but i still would amount it to one of the longest days of my life as well as one of the better/ best ones here.

I really love how when you live in New York, you have such a wide variety of places to go, things to do, places to see that you really can never get bored unless you want to. My roommates and I made up this bag that we call the "bag of magical ideas" and inside we all write down places we want to go visit, the idea is on a day that we are bored and have nothing to do we pick out an option in the bag, and have to do it, no exceptions unless they are major ones. We have yet to use it, which i think is a good thing but also not so good since those are tons of places i want to visit. 

This morning i woke up for 10am English class, and with my head still feeling heavy, i dragged myself to class looking half way decent. We had to write an in-class essay today about our history with reading and writing, and for someone who couldn't comprehend words i think that i probably did not to bad. i brought up the first book i read, or memorized, to the first full story i wrote about "why dogs bark" and ended it around how Mrs. D'Amore was one of my favorite teachers ever and made me feel very enthusiastic about reading and writing. I got my paper back in class today too and i was a little disappointed it was given a B, even though i really really loved it. He said i have problems with fragments, but to be honest that's just my style of writing, i can't help it. It said though that if i were to fix it he would fix my grade so i'm going to do that. So far without much intense effort i've been getting mostly A's and B's in classes so that's not too bad. When i came back i napped for like a half hour and then Victoria made such good breakfast!!! French Toast, Cinnamon buns, sausages, eggs yum yum yum!!! Comforting having an actual meal. Then i got online and Kevin imed me which was very strange but i have to say nice at the same time. He was wondering if i was home, because he was bored. I told him that i was only coming home tomorrow but that we owe each other a blunt session. So we decided that we are gonna do that this weekend maybe saturday when alyssa isn't there i guess otherwise he'll get in trouble. 

   i made the mistake of asking about her. and he went off about how they are iffy because he can't trust her because she lies about where she is and what she is doing. He said he only wants to know so that he can protect her, because as i know he is a very jealous person and so he doesn't like knowing she is some place that he can't be with her. It was strange, i mean maybe he did, but i was kinda left there with the feeling of; why couldn't he care about me that much? It was probably because we were so young, and our relationship, although awesome, was juvinille. On the other hand i was kinda left with a sort of happiness that he may have had the same feelings towards me while we were going out and since he's usually not one to express his feelings he just never let me know. Idk. I'm starting to get that lonely bug. It's been since him that i've been with someone and it's just soo frustrating. because i'm fine by own, really i am. actually sometimes i actually prefer it because i could do what i want when i want without having to worry about anyone else. but i kinda do want to worry about someone else. i want to hang out with someone all day on a couch and go out with them around new york city, i think it is such a romantic place to live really. i really just want someone to share my life with for a bit, someone to smile with and someone to laugh with. i love to laugh. So that conversation really left me feeling iffy, enough that i was to the point of not joining victoria at Strawberry fields for John Lennon's birthday. but i showered and i went and it ended up being really cool.

We smoked before we went so it was like surreal to walk into a group of hippies surrounding the IMAGINE mosaic singing Beatles songs. Supposably they had been there since 9 am and when we left at 6 30 pm they were still going. His mosaic was decorated with flowers and candles, and his fans all brought instruments and came together to create a band. It was awesome and i got some pretty cool pictures from the event. 

I'm really loving the amount of opportunites we have here, the only one thing, and seriously the only thing that is lacking for me here are the boys. But i guess that's not the most important thing, and i mean i have been here for a month and met a few, i just gotta re evaluate myself. I'm really torn about the way i'm suppose to act around the new guys here. because i mean at home they are all my friends and you end up going to the same parties and the same places, and if you like them you talk to them, text them, hang out, hook up and then maybe if it works out you eventually go out. Here yeah you may meet someone, but you have to be able to put a lot effort into meeting up with them. and some people just don't give you a chance. they write you off as soon as you say something or do something stupid. i am a cool person i swear ask my friends haha. i'll figure it out soon enough. i mean for now i'm lonely but that's what the rest of the year is for!

  and 

tomorrow....

I'M GOING HOME AND SEEING MY WIFEY!!!!!!

-Stephanie-